A Kunai To His Almighty Ego and Heart
by medstudent1026
Summary: Sasuke is suspicious about Naruto and Sakura... about Gaara and Sakura... and anything in between. The incessant thinking is hurting his ego and his icecold impenetrable heart... review pls?
1. Chicken butt haired head thinking

**A Kunai to His Almighty Ego…and Heart**

ms.heartbroken

"SAKURA-CHYAAAN!!!"

"Yes, Naruto?"

Sasuke winced as he heard Sakura's sweet voice towards Naruto. His teammates didn't notice because:

-Naruto had his two large rounded eyes on Sakura… and on Sakura only. He could have been attacked by enemy nin at the moment and, despite him being the kyuubi, he wouldn't even notice until he would be stabbed in the back by a kunai. That's how much Naruto really loves Sakura. Even on the brink of death, it was Sakura this and Sakura that.

-Sakura had her eyes on Naruto too, apparently…. Period…

"Would you like to eat Ramen with me after this briefing from Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto enthusiastically asked his pink-haired teammate.

Sasuke brooded over the fact that Sakura now refrained… stopped altogether… from punching Naruto, even with her new super strength. Contrary to her past behaviors, his ears itched when he heard Sakura say, "Sure, Naruto. If Kakashi-sensei doesn't overdo his usual routine, I might be able to spare a few minutes before my shift at the hospital begins…"

Sasuke inwardly ranted, 'What!!! What happened to, "Naruto you idiot! How could you ever think of such a thing!!! -giggle- Sasuke-kun!? Would you like to go on a date with me?" Ever since Naruto and Sakura dragged him back to Konoha, Sasuke has had to endure these… painful… conversations, in which he was not included.

Sasuke frowned at the bridge's railing, 'How am I not included? Am I not the sole Uchiha survivor? Am I not the greatest shinobi to ever walk this earth, regardless of those kyuubi bastards?'

"Sasuke-teme! Where do you think Kakashi-sensei is?" Naruto whined.

"I don't know, Dobe…"

Sasuke waited for Sakura's back-up and her praise at how amazing HE was…

"Don't be rude, Sasuke…" Sakura merely sniffed.

'No -kun!!!! What has this world gotten into!!! That's it!!! Maybe I'm still trapped in Itachi's Mangekyou… Maybe I'm still battling my damned brother half-dead, half-alive…'

Sasuke squinted at his surroundings, and then he activated his sharingan…

Naruto and Sakura flinched as the comas in Sasuke's blood red eyes spun.

Unsatisfied, Sasuke formed the hand seals for his Mangekyou…

"Teme!!! Are you trying to kill us!!!"

Sasuke stopped… He felt stupid for acting the way he did just for that stupid thought… Stupid indeed… And why can't he use other words than stupid, stupid….

Sasuke felt blotches of red, the beginnings of embarrassment, spread throughout his face. Being an Uchiha, he never gets embarrassed, so the tiny microscopic blotches quickly faded into nothingness.

"Hn…" Sasuke lowered his arms.

"Do you think we're immune to that Mangeki-whatever? Or do you think we're your long lost clan having the same bloody eyes?!..."

Naruto ranted on and on as Sasuke drowned out the Dobe's words… As much as he hated ever crossing the very idea of being 'related' to the Dobe, he doubly hated being related to Sakura as well.

Poof!

"Yo!"

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!!! YOU'RE LATE!!! AGAIN!!!"

"Ah… Well… I got lost on the path-

"OF LIFE!!! WE KNOW!!!"

Kakashi stopped, then, "No, no. I was helping-

"AN OLD WOMAN TO CROSS THE STREET!!! WE KNOW!!!"

Kakashi frowned, " I was having a date with Kurenai…"

"WE--- WHAT!!!!"

Naruto and Sakura's mouth hung open. Sasuke almost lost his composure too, almost.

"Oh!!! A love story!!!" Sakura squealed. "Tell us about it, Kakashi-sensei… Please?"

Kakashi started to refuse when Sakura used her most powerful jutsu against him.

The Super Puppy dog Pout Sakura Style Jutsu! No hand signs, no seals, no chakra… Just plain old Sakura… With her luscious pink pouted lips, long dark eyelashes, the soft pale skin, the cute cheeks, the shimmering emerald-

Sasuke looked away. He could very well drown in those emerald pools if he didn't turn away. He glanced at the river below. Drowning in THAT might be better, and if he was lucky enough, Sakura would be the one to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and he would at last feel those pink-

'Stop thinking, Sasuke Uchiha…' Sasuke berated himself. He would have preferred to battle the whole Akatsuki than to think about a certain pink-lipped -ahem- a certain girl every day, every hour, every minute, and occasionally, every second.

Sasuke hated to admit that he had fallen.

'Fallen where?' Sasuke simply refused to think of it himself.

'Fallen in love with Sakura…'

Sasuke felt even sadder, alone-er, miserable-er, distressed-er, depressed-er, -you get it…-er

He had long since noticed the change in his female teammate. Of course, being a genius, he had already noticed that she was indeed a female. It wasn't until his hormones kicked in that he finally saw the dangers that accompanied the fact that Sakura was undeniably and unarguably, female.

He couldn't care less about her when they met at Orochimaru's lair. Sure, she had grown stronger and -uhm- taller? Whatever… The point is, out of all the members of Team Seven (probably even the ninjas in their age group), she had the greatest improvement. She might have been the weakest of the weak two or three years ago, he didn't really care. But what impressed him the most was that:

She was the Fifth Hokage's apprentice.

She had her perfect chakra control put to good use when she acquired the Fifth's monstrous strength 'and' medical abilities.

Only the Fifth surpassed her in the medical field.

Only the Fifth surpassed her in the afore-mentioned monstrous strength.

No one, and absolutely no one, surpassed her long list (and still counting) of passionate suitors, not even the busty Tsunade.

She kicked Sasori's sorry arse.

She was THE most sought after girl in the whole village, even in their neighboring villages. It had become difficult for her to go on missions unidentified because almost everyone (notice the everyone, not the almost) knew her. She had almost failed an important mission just because she was run over by a stampeding horde of fan boys. Sasuke had pulled out his katana and almost started on a killing spree (much like what Itachi did to his clan) when Kakashi and Naruto rushed to stop him. After that, Tsunade had refrained from giving Sakura missions and had told her to stay at the hospital. She also said that she would be giving her missions again when the time comes that her face would be all wrinkly and no one would notice her. Of course, that was not true.

And, who would be the most suitable boyfriend for the most beautiful girl? Of course, it's Sasuke... Uchiha Sasuke...

The list could go on and on but Sasuke didn't want to waste precious time in thinking about Sakura.

'What time? As far as I know, you do waste all your 'precious' time in thinking about Sakura…'

'Tch.. Whatever…'

Sasuke dropped back to earth when Kakashi finally succeeded in maneuvering around the curious Sakura and the blanching Naruto.

"Well, I came here to tell you that we would all be attending someones wedding this weekend. I forgot who it was but they are well-known ninjas from prodigious families. Naruto and Sakura, the two of you are partners as groom's man and bride's maid. Sasuke, you'll be sitting with me as guests of honor…"

A sharp pang hit Sasuke's… heart?

'Hmmm… Didn't know I had one… Interesting surprise…'

'Forget that, why does the dobe get to be partners with Sakura-chan? -er- Sakura?'

Sasuke inwardly fumed, 'Why does the dobe always get what HE wants? Forget the itchy yukata or tuxedo. He chanced a glance at Sakura. She was chatting happily with Naruto. Sasuke grimaced visibly.

Unaware, Sasuke didn't notice Kakashi watching him.

"Sasuke, you're not mad that you're paired off with an old man like me, are you?" he asked, deeply concerned.

"Hn…"

"Promise I won't be late…"

Sasuke glared at him.

"Well, maybe a 'little' late. Who knows, there might be five old ladies waiting for me to help them cross the street." Kakashi said as he scratched his forehead.

"Do you really prefer old ladies? I'll gladly be your best man if you marry one of them some day…" at that, Sasuke turned away to glare at a tree.

Silence ensued.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Naruto literally rolled on the ground, banging his fists as he went.

"Hehehehe! That was really good Sasuke! Maybe he won't be late anymore!" Sakura giggled. Sakura's melodic laugh brought warmth to Sasuke's ice cold heart. Like a heater in the middle of the Arctic.

'You sound sappy… What have you done to Sasuke!!!!'

Sasuke forced down a grin and maintained his stoic façade. He was risking his reputation just by telling a joke.

'What reputation? You mean the 'heartless block of impenetrable ice -bastard?'

As much as Sasuke hated to admit it, he was a heartless bastard. Naruto was right all along. But what could he do about it? He was Uchiha Sasuke. The bastard-ness comes with the territory, or contract, or whatever you call it.

Meanwhile, Kakashi, who tried to save some of his dignity (if he had any to start with), said, "What if I told you I am currently engaged to Kurenai? And that I was here to ask you your opinion about the married life? Being my team and all…"

Dumbstruck silence greeted his announcement.

"Is that true!!!! Oh my God, Kakashi-sensei!!!!"

Naruto and Sasuke had both run over to the edge of the bridge and took all of their breakfast out on the water below them. Apparently, their sensei's predicament was… simply revolting.

"Oh don't mind them Sensei… They're just over reacting."

"Bu-but, Sakura-chan!!! Just imagine his life with Kurenai-sensei! He won't have time for us anymore!"

"Naruto, Kakashi-sensei doesn't spend that much time on us anyway. Most of the time he is supposed to be with us, he's off helping 'certain' old ladies…"

"Mmfffhhttt…" Naruto fought down a laugh.

"Well," Kakashi started, they all turned to listen to him. "I'll be going now. And, by the way, you're all too naïve to think that I would go off and marry someone. I plan to spend my youthfulness reading -ahm-… I'll see you 'early' tomorrow morning with further details...Ja!" with that, Kakashi poofed off to who know's where.

"LIAR!!!!"

'Liar…' Sasuke thought to himself. Remember, he had a reputation to uphold. He couldn't go shouting with Naruto and Sakura. It was too 'un-Sasuke-ish'.

Still, Sasuke wondered about the 'married life' as his sensei put it. A few years from now, they would all be of age. He thought about his appearance in the future. He had discarded off the weird Orochimaru clothes for normal ones. Maybe he would still be his usual handsome self and-

"Sakura-chan! Let's go and have ramen now!"

'What!!! Dobe!!!' Sasuke had, by now, glared a hole at the nearest tree he could set his Mangekyou eyes on.

"Sure, Naruto! Come on, Sasuke! Aren't you going as well?" Sakura turned to wait for his answer.

Sasuke quickly turned off the blood red eyes. "Hn…"

"Come on, Teme! We haven't got all day you know!!!" Naruto stomped childishly, impatient for his ramen.

As Sasuke walked towards Ichiraku beside his teammates, he thought at the invitation. Naruto had clearly invited Sakura. But he wasn't with that invitation wasn't he? Does that mean Naruto and Sakura are not on a date? Does that mean they're really not 'into' each other?

Well, of course they're not 'into' each other. YOU are the hottest, most eligible -handsomest- bachelor in town, possibly even in the whole Fire country and the rest of the Hidden Villages. Who would replace you for that loud-mouthed blonde? Huh?

He quickly re-emerged to the real world, hating the thoughts that came with thinking too much about -someone-.

He ate silently as he listened to what Naruto and Sakura were talking about. They had started a casual conversation about Sakura's admirers and he, Sasuke Uchiha, was 'interested' to know about his 'rivals in love', as a certain bowl-haired green monster put it.

"Well, there are too many to count, actually. And they come from different villages." Sakura casually said.

Sasuke had found it surprising when Sakura confided to Naruto about these affairs. It was 'girl talk', and Sakura knew that Naruto was no girl, Sexy Jutsu or not. He finally came to the conclusion that since they were her teammates, she found it more comfortable talking with 'them' than other girls. She didn't talk to Tsunade about these, fearing the amazing drunk woman her sensei was. What if her sensei accidentally 'spilled' on the 'many' drunk sessions? Sakura would probably die of shame. So, at it is, she talked openly to Naruto and Sasuke only. Note that she included Sasuke, who was currently boiling in anger…

"The funniest one of them all is, of course, Lee-san. He has now started giving me bouquets of grass. He says he likes it much better because it was green and he preferred to have his 'offerings of love' with a touch of his -ahem- 'fashion sense'."

How dare that round-eyed freak give 'bouquets of grass' to his cherry blossom!!! Ah!!! He's starting to think like the freak!

"Sakura-chan, what about the other villages?"

"There's Gaara and Kankuro in the Sand-

"WHAT!!!"

Surprisingly, it wasn't only Naruto's voice that was heard after the astounding statement.

Sakura quirked her eyebrows at the two of them, "What's wrong with that? I don't care if Gaara had a rather 'disturbing' past."

"Not that Sakura-chan! He's a Kazekage now! And he lives in Suna! We won't be able to hang out at Ichiraku when you get married and have kids-

"NARUTO!!! That has gone too far!!!"

"Dobe…"

"TEME!!! WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!!!!?"

"Dobe…"

"Stop it you two. Well I'll be going now, gotta go to the hospital…"

"Sakura-chan, are you the reason why Gaara is coming to Konoha tomorrow?"

"Of course not Naruto! How could you say that?"

"Well, I was just thinking-

"Well, I'm surprised that you could think, dobe…"

"TEME!!!!"

While Naruto ranted on and on about how rude Sasuke was, Sasuke deeply contemplated the current situation. As far as he knew, Suna and Konoha were in good terms. Maybe Tsunade was thinking about a way to 'deepen' their treaty. And the best way to seal an agreement in the old days (Tsunade's age perhaps) was by an 'arranged marriage'.

Sakura's going to be married off to the Kazekage…

Stop thinking Sasuke…

I'm not like the dobe, he can stop thinking in a matter of minutes.

Bless the dobe then, and kiss the ground he walks on.

And besides, Sakura can't possibly consider being married off to the Kazekage, Gaara. Remember how he almost killed her when we were only genins?

And Tsunade doesn't have a right to marry someone off to someone else.

What if she gives it to Sakura as a mission? A 'lifelong' mission? Sakura can't disobey the Hokage's orders. She could be banished from Konoha and become a missing-nin.

Then be a missing-nin like her. And the two of you could be together-

Stop thinking…

And also, did you forget who you are? You're the super handsome Sasuke Uchiha. Who would choose eyebrow-'less' Gaara to chicken-haired Uchiha?

Thanks for those words of- comfort.

That is besides the point, Uchihas don't back down from -ah- 'love challenges'. We WILL get her heart, even if it meant kissing Naruto again. Seriously.


	2. Hail the Kazekage and be called a dobe

**Author's Note**: Actually, I just wrote this story for fun and I never really considered making a second chapter. I rather preferred 'Yellow Ribbons' than this one. I never thought readers would like it and I'm new after all. I made this before or after Yellow Ribbons on the same night. But since many would like a second chapter, I'll try and make one. But I don't expect you to like it. I'm not confident about this one. I doubted whether I should make this, I'm not sure I'm up to it. Just tell me if you like it. Or review… Because I have a feeling this might suck…hmm…

**A Kunai To His Almighty Ego and… Heart**

"SASUKE-KUN!!!"

"Annoying…"

"Ano… Would you like to go on a date with me?"

"No…"

Sakura looked to be on the verge of tears, "Sa-Sasu-ke…"

Sasuke woke up breathing heavily…

'Was that a nightmare? Or a really good dream?'

'Well, Sasuke… That wasn't really a good dream… Seeing as you RUINED IT!!! God! You suck, man!!!'

Well, whatever that was, at least Sakura asked him on a date. Now, however, he hadn't heard as much as a 'kun' from Sakura.

'Annoying!!!'

'The preferred word might be 'frustrating', since, you didn't get any invitation to a date from your beloved. And you've been waiting for it since the day you laid eyes on her-

'Shut up…'

'No, you shut up! Because you were so arrogant and big-headed, you have lost your chance on the most beautiful girl in the Fire Country! You hear me! The whole Fire Country!'

'Do you think I am not suffering now for the arrogance and big-headed-ness, as you said, that I have shown her? Think again, buddy…'

'Well, boohoo… Jerk…'

'What!?!'

'Do'be!'

'I am not a do'be! Naruto is a do'be!'

'But do'be-Naruto got ramen with the all-fair-one, don't you like to be a do'be too?'

"TEMEEEE!!! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!!!?"

'What the hell? I swear that was Naruto! Is this an apparition!?!

Wait---

What is Naruto doing in my house?'

"Do'be…"

Naruto's eyes blazed at the name, but he pushed it down (as if).

"You're already late, Sasuke-teme… Remember, Kakashi-sensei said today was the day he would be briefing us on the wedding…"

Sasuke recalled yesterday's events, and suddenly flinched as he saw a vision of him and Kakashi sitting side-by-side on a pew at the church and Kakashi offering him a peek at his 'book'.

"I'm not interested…"

"BUT-

"And what are you doing in my house?"

"I told you! You're even later than Kakashi-sensei!"

Sasuke did a double-take…

"What!?!"

"Nah… Just kidding… He just sent his dogs to us carrying the message that he was gonna be late coz… hehe… he didn't want to see old ladies on the street today… Anyway, he sent me here to check out on you… He thought something happened with you and -ahem- old ladies… Something about karma… Anyway, he was going to send Sakura-chan here but I refused. Sakura-chan isn't safe here with you!"

Sasuke frowned as he thought about a certain girl coming to his house. He would have gladly preferred Sakura over the loud Naruto. Thinking back, he considered what Naruto said about 'him' being a danger to Sakura.

'As if… I would never hurt Sakura…'

'Not that kind of danger, Sasuke-do'be… The other kind… The sex--

Sasuke flinched again.

"THERE YOU GO AGAIN TEME!!! WHAT'S HAPPENED TO THAT CHICKEN-BUT HAIRED HEAD OF YOURS!!! WHY ARE YOU SPACING OUT ON ME!!!"

Naruto clambered on top of Sasuke's bed, and proceeded to slap Sasuke's head again and again.

"COME BACK TEME!!! YOU STILL HAVE A WEDDING TO GO TO!!! DON'T LEAVE-

"MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!!!"

Naruto was blinking incredibly as he was hurled into some kind of dimension. It took a while for him to gather his wits (oh, Naruto with wits?). Inside a world with blood red skies and black charred corpses, there stood a crux with a writhing Naruto tied to it securely.

"TEME!!! I'M SORRY!!! I'M SORRY!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE HERE!!! I STILL HAVE FREE RAMEN TO EAT AT LUNCH!!! AREN'T WE FRIENDS?!!! TEMEEEEE!!!"

Naruto was now shouting at the top of his lungs, while below him Sasuke had his arms crossed and a smug look on his face.

"Never do that to me again, you hear?"

"YES!!! YES!!! TEME!!! DON'T KILL ME!!! I STILL HAVE TO MARRY SAKURA-CHAN!!! I STILL HAVE TO HAVE BABIES WITH-

Sasuke sheathed his katana and began walking towards Naruto.

'How dare he claim Sakura as his!'

"NO!!! TEME!!! I'LL ONLY HAVE ONE BABY WITH HER! PROMISE!!! IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT!!!"

"Grrr…" Naruto was really swimming in dangerous waters, do'be.

Poof!

"Yo!"

Kakashi suddenly appeared in Sasuke's world looking all calm and composed, as if this occurred everyday.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!!! THE TEME IS GOING TO KILL ME!!! LET ME OUT!!! LET ME OUT!!!"

"Get along with it, Sasuke…"

"My pleasure…"

"WHAT!!!!"

Kakashi unexpectedly propped open his Icha Icha, "Nah, just joking… Drop him, Sasuke. We still have the wedding briefing to talk about."

Sasuke hesitated before finally letting go of the frantic Naruto.

Once they were in the real world, Sasuke saw Sakura watching the three of them in his room.

'So, she came with Kakashi…'

Naruto immediately bounded towards Sakura, "SAKURA-CHAN!!! TEME TRIED TO KILL ME!!!"

Surprised, Sakura returned Naruto's hug and patted his back gently, which caused Sasuke to re-think about killing Naruto later, and that time, he will make sure Naruto will be so dead.

"It's okay, Naruto. His mangekyou couldn't have done that much damage. Here, let me give you a check-up…"

Naruto wolfishly grinned at Sakura, "Thanks, Sakura-chan! You're the best!" He then turned to grin at Sasuke, who in turn, gave him a look of murder. Naruto was about to stick his tongue out at Sasuke, but thought better of it as he felt Kakashi's eyes on him.

"Ah… You're chakra is heaven, Sakura-chan…" Naruto said as Sakura's chakra-glowing hand hovered over his body.

Sasuke balled his fists, 'That Naruto!'

'Oh… So what if you haven't experienced her healing chakra? She's annoying, remember?'

'Fine, I'll eat my words…'

'Aha! In other words, you admit defeat?'

'Yes, I'm stupid…'

"Sakura-chan, will you have lunch with me again?"

"Sure, Naruto…" Sakura said with a smile.

'HA! Who's stupid?'

'I am stupid… And this situation is stupid… And Naruto is stupid… But I'm also stupid… And I can't come up with any word other than stupid… So, maybe I am stupid… But didn't I say I was already stupid? So, I really am stupid… Why am I still thinking? I'm stupid right?'

'That's enough already!!! You are stupid!!!'

A dark cloud surrounded Sasuke in that instant. If he was indeed stupid (no arguments), he might as well drown in his sorrow, grief, misery, sadness, unhappiness, distress, his mourning…

'No one died, Sasuke… This isn't a funeral…'

After patching Naruto's baffled (deranged) mind, Sakura noticed Sasuke's predicament (more like, dark cloud). Ever the sweet and helping girl, regardless the person being a murderer or thinks everyone is annoying, she approached Sasuke.

"Sasuke, what's wrong? You don't look alright… Should I check up on you as well?"

'God? Is that you? Did I die and go straight to heaven?'

"…"

Sakura stared up at him innocently, waiting for his answer.

"…"

Sakura was sooo pretty… With the silky pink hair framing that smooth pale face… Those emerald eyes looking up at me soo cutely (is that even a word, stupid?).

'It is a word!'

Now, where was I? Oh… And those pink luscious lips that I would like to-

"Sasuke?"

"…?"

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"…"

"Oh, don't mind him, Sakura-chyaannn!

Sasuke noticed Naruto's lingering pronouncement at the -chan…

"He's still probably at that crazy Mangeki dimension…"

"Do'be"

"TEME!!!"

While Naruto readied himself to pounce at Sasuke, who looked as if he was mouthing a 'Chidori' under his breath, Kakashi decided to step in.

"Now, now, everyone… March out towards the bridge so we can begin our discussion…"

"You were lucky Kakashi-sensei decided to step in, Sasuke…"

"Why? Were you about to slap me again? What happened to the Rasengan? Out of supply?"

"WHY YOU!!!"

"Naruto… Stop it already…"

It was Sakura…

"Bu-bu-but… Sakura-chyaaannn! He started it!"

Sakura just sighed as she walked out of the Uchiha compound beside Kakashi. They walked on despite Naruto's whining and passed by assorted shops along the way. As they were crossing the main road that lead to the gates, Naruto abruptly stopped his ramblings.

"Hey…Hey… Kakashi-sensei… Aren't those Sand shinobi?"

Sasuke cricked his neck as he turned to look at Naruto's subject. The cluster of people heading their way was indeed Sand shinobi.

'Well… Well… Look who's leading them…'

The flaming red hair of Gaara was visible even at a distance. The red contrasted sharply with the blue and white Kazekage robes. Sasuke had to admit, donning a Kage robe was… cool.

'Man… You're up against a Kazekage for the hand of an annoying fan-girl?'

'WAS a fan-girl…'

'Really… He's might be cool now with that new image, but still… The eyebrows, men? Where are the eyebrows?'

'Shut up, will you? I know Sakura and she would care less about such a trivial thing as eyebrows…'

'Like she would care about a chicken-butt hair? Hmm… You have a point. So, you and Gaara are even…'

'Uchiha's always get what they want…'

'Except pink-haired women… Did you forget Lee and Naruto? Eyebrow-much and Brain-less? Now that you think of it, maybe Gaara can have a little of Lee's eyebrows and walah! As handsome as Naruto!'

'Shut up, they're already near us…'

Sasuke watched as Gaara's group neared them. He stared at Gaara. The 'disturbing' guy was staring/glaring (whatever he's doing with those eyes) at something just beyond Sasuke. He wasn't even blinking! They passed by Team 7 and Naruto regained his usual noisy-ness.

And now that Sasuke turned his head, he saw that what Gaara was staring at earlier, was actually Sakura!

'This could mean trouble for you…'

'Surprise, surprise… Tell me what I don't know already…'

'Ah… You already know you're stupid, arrogant, and big-headed… Now, what did I miss?'

Sasuke chose to ignore that as he secretly stole glances at Sakura.

'HOW SAPPY WAS THAT!!! Seriously! Stealing glances!'

Sasuke chose to ignore that too-

'Ah.. So, it's ignore-your-gorgeous-schizophrenia-induced-partner day, is it?'

'I'm not schizophrenic…'

'So, care to explain why I am here?'

'…'

'See?'

'A… B… Cee…'

'WHAT THE!!!'

Sasuke listened in on Naruto's ramblings when he caught Sakura's name on the blonde's sentences.

"-entering an arranged marriage?"

"…" Sakura was speechless at Naruto's declaration.

Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi now turned to look at Sakura.

"Wh-what are you talking about Naruto? Tsunade-shishou won't push me into an arranged ma-marriage!" Sakura sheepishly said as she briskly started to walk.

The two boys and one old (no, that's not it) man followed her.

"How could you explain that intense x-ray he gave you?" Naruto asked.

"What are you talking about Naruto? Wh-what do you mean x-ray?" Sakura stuttered again. She looked so stiff and she was trying her best not to turn around and face her team.

"Which reminds me, Sakura… The Hokage has requested your presence in her office this afternoon," Kakashi piped in, buried under his 'book'.

Sasuke's ears perked up.

'Oh… really…'

'Are they really going to marry her off to that… that…'

'Yes…'

'Even if it was against her will!'

'Yes…'

'But, what about me!'

'Beats me…'

'Why you!'

Sasuke leaned against the bridge's railings as Naruto and Sakura settled on either side of him.

"Bu-but Kakashi-sensei… Surely there's nothing more important than my afternoon shift at the hospital!" Sakura lamely replied. There was no escaping it alright.

"With our current suspicions, I'm sure Naruto wouldn't mind loosing a partner at this weekend's wedding?" Kakashi looked up at Naruto from his 'book'.

'HAH!!! Score for Sasuke-dobe!!!'

Naruto suddenly burst out in tears (more like, bawling/howling),

"SAKURA-CHAN!!! DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU WERE GOING TO MARRY ME!!!"

'Fat chance! Haha!!!'

'Shut up… This means Gaara gets Sakura…'

'Ooooh… Score one for Gaara, then…'

'There will be no more 'scores' once Sakura gets married…'

'I feel sorry for you… NOT!!! This is all your fault!!! Now I don't get to marry Sakura too!!!'

And just like that, the deranged part of his head started bawling much like what Naruto was doing right now. It was as if his schizophrenia-induced partner just realized the seriousness of the situation.

'We-we should do something!!! Don't just sit there! Use that chicken-butt-haired head of yours!!!'

'I don't have any idea how to stop an arranged marriage formed by two Kage's, dobe…'

'So it's back to name calling huh!!! You-

'Didn't you just say something about planning destroy-Sakura's-marriage?'

'Oh… yeah… Hey, why don't we try those sappy things we saw in the movies during Team Seven's weekly movie marathon?'

'Should we also wait for the 'I object's'?'

'That's what they always did… Why don't we get Naruto and Lee to help?'

'Yeah… They'd be so excited they'd barge in even if the wedding hasn't started…'

'Hah!!! Just imagine! Naruto and Lee looking like idiots when they barge in yelling like that!'

'Don't forget, I'll be with them…'

'Oh my Gawd!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!'

Sasuke really wished he could 'Chidori' this schizophrenia-induced entity in his head that was currently rolling around his head laughing like a hyena.

'Oh! I'm dying in here! HAHAHA! Maybe this is what they call 'dying of too much laughter'! Really!!! I could just see Powerpuff Wierdos!!! The three of you!!!'

Naruto(brain-less)- "Stop!-

Lee(eyebrow-much)- "Right-

Sasuke(Chicken-butt-haired)- "There!-

Naruto, Lee and Sasuke- "Sabaku No Gaara (eyebrow-less)"

"Dun…dun…dudududun…dun!!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

Sasuke forced himself to ignore it and busied himself with listening at what Kakashi was saying.

"Well… It's been decided that all men are going to wear tuxedos and the women, gowns. It's to prevent clashing of attires since two customs will be participating at the event." Kakashi said.

"So, it is a wedding where Sand and Leaf villagers will be coming… In short, the wedding will probably be Sakura's…" Sasuke provided.

"AAAAAHHHHH!!!" Naruto bawled again.

"Get a grip on yourself, dobe," Sasuke growled. Any minute now, he might just start bawling like Naruto.

'Oohh!!! I want to see that before I die!!! My life will be complete!!! Lord! Take me!'

'Shut up, will you? This is hard enough as it is…'

'Oohhh… Strikie one to ego!'

'What ego?'

'The Sasuke-faced ego that you have bubbling up inside of you whenever Sakura calls out your name with a '-kun'. Then again, that was years ago. Many, many, many-

'I get it…'

"So… I guess final decisions will be made after Sakura's meeting with the Hokage… Any questions?" Kakashi asked, nose still buried under that preposterous book.

"Ah, Kakashi-sensei… What part of the wedding does the priest ask anyone who wants to object?" Naruto asked, fiddling with his fingers.

"Mmmm… Naruto, you'll surely regret it… Think of the Anbu Black Ops attending…"

"Hah! They can't possibly defeat a Kyuubi-chakra Naruto!"

"The Hokage will be there, the Kazekage, Jiraiya-sama, Konoha Jounin and Chuunin…"

"What about a Nine-tailed Naruto then!!! See them match that!!! Muwahahaha!!!"

"Do that, and you'll never become Hokage…"

"Oh man!"

'It seems it was up to Sasuke to create a diversion big enough including Naruto, the brain-less, Lee, the green spandex-ed monster, and, of course, yours truly…'

'The chicken-butt-haired schizophrenic…'

* * *

Author's Note: Should I make a chapter 3? Review please...

Just so you know, Sasuke did say the 'A... B... Cee..." part... ehehe... embarrasing...

Anyway, I really think I'm losing my touch... What do you say?


	3. Issues, hormones, and ramen

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Naruto. And if I did, Sasuke would already be back and walking and breathing in Konoha beside Naruto and Sakura and he'll never join ----- and -------. (That is, if I did own Naruto, to which I said I didn't)

**Author's Note**: I'm sooo sorry for updating this late, but this was the only time I felt inspired and giddy about writing. I'm not sure about those writer's block things, it's more of a writer's determination? And college is really hectic and I'm wistfully staring at my Algebra homework now and thinking about the Chemistry books that's waiting upstairs. But never mind… there's still four days to go anyway…hehe

* * *

**A Kunai To His Almighty Ego… and Heart**

**Chapter 3**

"Naruto, can't we go somewhere other than Ichiraku?" Sakura asked hopefully.

"N-…"

"…" Sasuke turned to look at the usually noisy Naruto.

Naruto had stopped walking and appeared to be hunched over deep in his thoughts.

'What's the do'be thinking about? That is, if he is capable of thinking.' Sasuke-chibi asked.

'I don't particularly have a liking to the absurd thoughts that cross the do'be's mind and as the voice-in-my-head, you shouldn't care an --- about it too.'

Sasuke and Sakura continued to wait for the obviously-in-pain-just because-he's-thinking Naruto.

'Naruto has got to be kidding us…' Sasuke thought to himself.

"Um… Naruto?" Sakura asked timidly, prodding Naruto with an anxious finger.

Naruto continued to think about his algebra muttering something inaudible to the human ears, "If I said Yes, it would mean… if I said No, then the…"

"YOSH!!!!"

Sakura immediately jumped back, "Eek!" and clung onto Sasuke's arms.

Which Sasuke, unusually, didn't shrug off.

Seconds later, Sakura got hold of herself and brushed off imaginary lint on her clothes, "Mou, Naruto! You startled me! Sorry Sasuke, I won't do that again, I promise…"

At that statement, chibi-Sasuke bawled over and cried his eyes out.

"Eh?" Naruto turned to look at his blushing team mates.

Being Naruto at his normal mode, he didn't notice anything out of place.

"Hey, why are the two of you as red as Sasuke's tomatoes? It isn't that hot, is it?"

Sasuke was quick to retort a believable explanation, "Hn…"

Sakura just said, "But it is hot Naruto, maybe years of not washing the dirt off your clothes made it heat resistant."

"Ah, thanks Sakura-chan…"

"---?" Sakura chose to ignore the idiocy…

"Ano… Sakura-chan, I can treat you to shops other than ramen-…"

"Ooohh! Really! Where!?! Where!?!"

"On one condition, actually…"

"Anything other than ramen, I was getting flabby by the hips without missions to burn all those ramen fats off."

"Well, I'll treat you at the barbecue shop if you tell me and Sasuke-teme what the ugly obaa-chan summoned you to the Hokage's Tower for… Ah, is that alright?"

Sasuke hid his surprise, 'So the do'be was really capable of thinking?'

'Well, seeing as he has a higher percent of asking Sakura about the meeting than you do, then it's actually lucky that he thought about it for your benefit,' his chibi let the disappointment show in his words.

"Um, it was really embarrassing actually…hehe" Sakura laughed an unconvincing sheepish laugh.

"We won't laugh! Promise Sakura-chan!" Naruto stopped from his walking to turn towards Sasuke who was walking behind him (listening intently, I might add), "Right teme!?!"

"Hn…"

Naruto walked again beside Sakura, even ignoring the Ichiraku stand which was standing at the side of the road. They continued to walk towards the street where the barbecue shop that Team 10 always went to was situated.

"Well?" Naruto prodded on.

Sasuke walked faster so he was now on the other side of Sakura, the side that still wasn't Naruto-contaminated. The people who passed by them smiled secretly. Finally, after years of just seeing two 'kids' walking together (which was unusual since everyone, even civilians, knew that a team consisted of three 'kids') they could now see that Team 7 was a three-man cell again. And they could clearly see the joy the other two members felt, despite how hard they tried not to show it, since ninja were not supposed to show emotion. Shame if even civilians could read your emotions like an open book. But at least that didn't apply to a certain raven-haired 'kid'. No one could ever say that and live to tell the story of how he got 'tsukoyomi-ed' by someone who had chicken-butt hair. But really, he should feel honored if he got the chance to get 'tsukoyomi-ed' by the Uchiha genius, other much, much stronger ninjas just got annihilated by a katana, not by the almighty eyes. But then, someone clearly said he uses his 'eyes' as a sign of mercy.

Ahem, back to the three-man cell, Team 7.

So Naruto was on Sakura's left side, still persuading her. Sakura was at the center (spotlight and/or center of attention) still laughing sheepishly and scratching the back of her head uncharacteristically. And Sasuke was on Sakura's right side, walking with grace and poise (unlike his female teammate who was hunched over and laughing in a un-lady-like way) while his eyes (yes, his merciful eyes) watched the conversation.

People parted, much like the Red Sea when Moses showed up, when they saw the three Newly Dubbed Legendary Sannin walk by.

They took no notice of this however as they continued their way towards the barbecue shop.

"Pinky promise you won't tell?"

"I could do a pinky promise, but I'm not sure about the teme."

"Oh, I know he won't tell Naruto. Nothing ever escapes the confines of his lips, like a jail cell or something?" Sakura innocently pointed out.

Sasuke smoothed out the annoyed tick that was showing on his forehead.

The three of them turned at the corner and faced the barbecue stand.

"It wasn't only me and Tsunade-shishou in there, actually, the Kazekage and the Sand people were there too", Sakura started talking.

Naruto was so into it that he even let Sasuke (who was trying hard not to stare at Sakura with a child-listening-to-his-mom-telling-stories look) lead him and Sakura inside the eatery and make sure that he was seated far away from something breakable. Only then did Sasuke finally deem it safe and secure before finally letting himself mull over the things Sakura was babbling about. She was still around the part where she was walking towards the Hokage's Office and all that nervous girly feelings stuff.

"So I thought that I really had no choice because it was Tsunade-shishou that had called me. I knocked on the doors and Tsunade's voice rang out, 'Enter', so I went in and saw shishou seated at the desk and beside her stood the Kazekage, while Kakashi-sensei crouched by the window," Sakura narrated.

'Is it just me, or is this more like a girls' night-out?' chibi-Sasuke butted in. Sasuke couldn't help but agree with him for once.

"There were charts all around the office actually-

"WHAT CHARTS?!?!! I NEVER SAW ANY-

"Sasuke! The Hospital has enough casualties regarding the Sharingan to last it a lifetime you know!"

"Hn…"

Naruto tried to whisper menacingly (well, as close to a whisper as he could manage) "Teme!.."

"Do'be.." Sasuke replied under his breath.

"Anyway, there were charts of different wedding gowns and frilly dresses for formal occasions,"

"WHAT!!!!!!!!", and there was no Sharingan to stop him this time.

"Yes!" Sakura gushed giddily, "It's nice isn't it? A change of scenery for Tsunade-shishou's office! And they were such love-

"Save it for Yamanaka, Sakura…"

"-Ahem-," Sakura adjusted herself, "Well, there is going to be a wedding, that's for sure!"

Naruto gulped and asked the question Sasuke would've if only he had the voice fit for the role, "Wh-when?", he croaked.

"Uhm, I think it's gonna be a week from now? They've been preparing for it for quite some time and I was so shocked that they didn't tell me earlier. But they assured me I've got nothing to worry about because they've already finalized everything and the only thing that's left is for the people invited to arrive," Sakura said merrily.

"Wh-what?" Naruto was still croaking in that froggy-voice.

And Sasuke was staring solemnly like a monk at his Buddha.

"I'm so excited! I've been dreaming about this day since I was a little girl! And Tsunade-shishou said there would be lots of-----

Sasuke had tuned out Sakura's babbling to give more attention to a much more pressing 'thinking-over' going inside his head. He turned to look at Naruto. It seemed like he was thinking along the same lines like Sasuke, only, it looked like he was hurting himself with all the thinking he's made his brain work with.

Well, it was time that he himself think about the situation at hand,

'Oi, Sasuke…'

'What do you want now?'

'I've been thinking-

'Hn…'

'Was that a sarcastic hn?'

'Aa…'

'I'll let that pitiful attempt at a comment slide. Anyway, have you ever heard of the words, 'sexual tension'?'

'Hn!?! –ahem- Hn… Of course, that's what feudal lord missions are all about…'

'Ew! Pervert daimyos! Anyway, just look at Sakura for a moment…'

Sasuke drowned out his chibi's annoying voice (which suspiciously sounded like his own) and turned to look at his animatedly talking female teammate –minus the blond who was listening intently like a drooling dog hanging unto her every word- wait! Was that the idiot's arm on Sakura's shoulders? Why he!-

'Ahem, focus, Sasuke, foucus…'

Time stopped. Everything around Sakura blurred and she was magically focused. She became the center-

'Yeah, yeah… And this is where I come in; Maestro! Slide one!'

(Warning: Hopefully successful attempt at a PG13?)

Sasuke was suddenly aware that his gaze lingered on her emerald eyes, sliding down to her cute nose, and to those glossy pink pouty lips. They looked so inviting that he could just imagine himself forgetting all inhibitions and-

'What are you doing!?!' Sasuke frantically screamed at his chibi.

'I'm just taking you to a short trip down a lesson called 'Sexual Awareness'. It's no big deal, really, coz' I've been thinking,' chibi-Sasuke continued as Sasuke's protests fell on deaf ears, 'people have been dubbing you as gay and aloof to the lures of the opposite sex. So, as a solution, I am going to psychologically altering your anatomical and physiological functions in order to attain my goal. Translation for your poor innocent mind, kicking up your hormones! At this rate, it'll only be a couple more hours until we can get your hormones to blast-off! Asta la vista, I'm going to terminate you, you're going to wish you were dead, Sasuke!'

'Do you have a grudge on me?'

'No-'

'Then are you done sprouting preposterous impossibilities?'

'Not quite,'

'If you are, as you say, as intelligent as I am, you wouldn't be sending me images of these-

'-highly arousing-'

'AHEM! These goose-bumps-inducing-in-a-bad-way situations and start helping me plan about ways of stopping that wedding!'

'But-but that's no fun!'

'This is my future goal we're talking about'

'…and Sakura has a part on that future right!?!'

Images of the so called –highly arousing- flashed through Sasuke's mind again and he was dangerously close to retching… in ecstasy? Which he probably was as Sakura took note of the sickly pallor of his paler than usual face.

"Sasuke-kun? Are you okay?" Sakura asked worriedly as she placed her hand on Sasuke's forehead.

'KUN!?! Is this one of the signs stated in the Book of Revelations!?!'

'My life is not documented in the Bible, idiot.'

'You don't deserve a chapter in the Bible, idiot-er'

Sauske didn' have as much vigor at arguing with his inner self (not that he had much to begin with) and found himself transfixed by the ethereal being before him.

He vaguely heard someone say 'how sappy' from far away. He was blushing profusely now in addition to his pale-greenish pallor and was added with a little blue out of being breathless-

'Class, guess what color it is now?'

Somehow, someone with a voice suspiciously like Naruto's anwered, "-orange!"

And with that single word, all the color drained from Sasuke's face.

"Let me check you out, Sasuke-kun…"

And all the red went back again.

'I never knew December was here already! Time for giving and taking!'

Sasuke stood rooted to the ground… or was it the clouds?

-how sappy part two-

His trained eyes took note of the innocently parted lips. Her eyes her eyes glanced up at him with an unanswered question in their depths. Worry was creasing her brows, which he desperately wanted to wipe away with a gentle kiss-

"Sasuke-kun? Are you alright?"

Sakura reached for his forehead and caressed it gently.

Sasuke was in heaven.

Sasuke's-chibi has just been promoted as the right foot of God.

"Leave him, Sakura-can. He's just fantasizing about you anyway. That's the look I have when I'm fantasizing about you too… Sasuke-teme! You evil fox!"

A satanic Naruto wearing an orange spandex and sporting an orange pitchfork suddenly appeared and speared chibi-Sasuke on the butt. And without further adieu, he was yanked down to earth to face his fears (or desires, if you want).

(Author's Note- All of you deserve extra pages for waiting for such an overdue/over late update)

* * *

'Sasuke…'

Sasuke ignored his inner self.

'SaSUke'

'Hn…'

'Don't you think we should get more information about the victim's situation before thinking about massive wedding domination? Or bride domination… If you get my drift…hehehe…'

Sasuke stubbornly shook his head.

'Don't you think we should check up on the place where our master plan would occur? Have blueprints or layouts of the building? Have drawings of the dresses? Ingredients of the cake? Anatomical charts of the doves or the bridesmaids? Reproductive aspect of the-'

Sasuke blocked out the rest. He couldn't help but agree that his chibi had a point. And if that was the case, he had no choice but to:

infiltrate enemy lines

trespass personal property

sneak into the battlefield (aka Hokage Tower when a certain Godaime was drunk)

sabotage soldiers (except pink-haired soldiers)

'You have to get Naruto and Lee to cooperate the genius way,'

"NOTE: NOT –and I repeat- NOT the moronic way! Am I clear!?!"

'Sir! Yes! Sir!'

'Wrong! You sissy chicken-ass! Am I crystal clear!?!'

'CRYSTAL CLEAR Sir!'

'With the flowers and candies?'

'Don't push it…'

And Sasuke-chibi logged off.

* * *

Sasuke stared.

And stared.

They were stillat the barbeque resto, and they were there an hour and a half ago. And after that hour and a half, they were still there.

'Is Naruto a freaking girl!?!'

…

'Oi! I know you're there'

…

'Hn… Annoying voice in my head?'

…

'Aa… this is getting freaky…'

…

'OI! Are you listening?'

…

'Aha! You're doing this on purpose right? Ahah! You're doing this so I would miss you and not call you annoying anymore right?'

..

'Hah! That won't work on me!'

…

'OI!'

…

'OI!'

…

'OI!'

(ooohhh… where was Sasuke-chibi now?)

* * *

(in the middle of nowhere)

Somewhere in a hollow expanse of a waste of brain matter, ther stood a little guy astounded by his environment.

He walked towards the walls of the vast hollow room, 'Ew! Ramen strands for neurons?'

In great horror he looked around and saw to his additional great horror, the left hemisphere of the brain marked as MISO and the right hemisphere marked as CHICKEN, BEEF, and PORK.

An additional additional horror, the hypothalamus was nowhere in sight.

An additional additional additional horror, so were the thalamus, cerebellum, and cerebrum.

'How does he think?- in pain, most probably…'

Something kicked him on the leg.

"Hey! Who are you and what are you doing here?"

The little guy looked down and saw an orange blob aggressively trying to kick him again.

"I am an additional IQ points to the brain of this knucklehead."

The orange blob's face turned red orange, "Which knucklehead are you talking about, squirt!?! I'm the brain?"

Additional IQ points guy stared incredulously at the orange blob –still trying to kick- who claimed that it was classified as a brain, "You're kidding with me, aren't you? Poor human…"

"Am not, bastard! What's wrong with me being a brain, huh?"

IQ guy held up his hands and said,

"One, you are definitely not the average brain size,

Two, you are most definitely not the average brain size,

Three, you are definitely-est not the average brain size…"

There was a five-second interval before,

"Was that an insult?... Why I oughta-"

IQ guy rolled his eyes, "Shut your membrane and diffuse what I'm about to say,"

IQ guy conjured a chalk board seemingly from nowhere and started to put some acceptable documents in Naruto's brain.

* * *

Author's Note: I cant promise anything but I really need some help/suggestions in where this story should go…. Please???? Comments???

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR...

MABUHAY!!!

and yeah i know, too much sasuke thinking lines...


End file.
